JXHQ: The Downside of Comedy
by thechokesonyou
Summary: ONESHOT. Fed up with the Batman ruining his fun, the Joker decides to end it once and for all... By putting a gun to his head. But then he changes his mind... (Hurt/Comfort, lots of Joker/Harley fluff and psychological manipulation. But it's cute, so it's okay.)


The entire building seemed to creak loudly as the rafters began to fall. Embers shot out at all different directions, flames roaring up around them. The Joker turned his head up to look at the beams of wood tumbling toward his head. He could only laugh. His last laugh, he thought. Raising his arms out and closing his eyes he let out a loud howl of mirth, a wide smile on his face… Moments before a heavy force knocked into him and sent him rolling away, across the room. He grunted as he landed on the wood flooring, rolling into another support collumn. The Batman was standing up a few feet away.

Once again, he had saved him. Once again, he shouldn't have.

The Joker bared his angry teeth at the man in black, growling his displeasure. "Why? Why do you always have to _ruin _my _fun?_" He asked as he stood up, brushing dust from his coat. He grabbed a fun from behind his coat that was tucked securely behind his belt. He pointed it nonchalantly at the Bat, who had no response but to watch him with narrowed eyes. He was used to this by now. The Joker bared his teeth again in a slightly animal grin, forcing the gun up to his own temple. "Maybe I'll just stop you from raining on my parade once and for all!" The Bat growled in response, darting forward to grab the weapon from the clown's hands, but he was quicker and leaner and he darted out of the way, giggling all the while. He clicked off the safety.

"_No!_" There was a choked scream, a sob from somewhere else in the room and the Joker looked to the side, seeing a bleeding Harley Quinn rushing towards him. "No, please," She begged, tripping and falling to her knees before him, tears streaking through her makeup. The Joker hissed at him, backhanding her with the butt of the gun before bringing it back to his head. The Bat was watching with distaste, even as the clown abused his criminal girlfriend. The Joker could've laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Here they were, both of them his adversaries and yet he wanted to prevent them from offing each other. The Bat was just as messed up as they were. Maybe he belonged in Arkham.

"Shut up, Harley," He growled without looking away from the Batman. She swallowed a sob behind him, resulting in a terribly pathetic noise. His nose wrinkled. "You know, Bats. You drove me to this point of desperation." They were now slowly circling like animals in a brawl. Who would make the first move? "I've given you thousands of oppurtunities. Yet you never _ever _take them. Don't you know that there's only _one _way to stop me?" He was shouting and laughing now, grinning widely.

"I'll stop you," The Batman said in his deep gravvelly voice. "But not with a gun."

The Joker shook his head. "No," He hissed. "You will. Or else…" He knew the Batman too well. He knew that pointing the gun at him wouldn't effect him at all. The Bat didn't care about his life, just like the Joker. They were one in the same, after all. Instead, he stepped to the side, pointing the pistol at his girlfriend. Harley gasped, her mouth parting as she tried to scoot away from the line of fire. "Or else _she _dies. What will it be, Bats? The evil, mass murderer who you've tried so futilly to stop? Or the innocent psychiatrist driven to madness? Hm?" He asked, watching him with a pleasurable yet maybe slightly irritated expression on his face. The Bat was staring at Harley now, his jaw tense. He didn't know what to do. The Joker looked back at Harley, grinning at her. "Sorry, dear," He told her.

And pulled the trigger.

"No!" Another shouted, and then the Bat was jumping in front of the line of fire, taking the bullet in his side. The Joker almsot wanted to laugh, but his rage was too much.

"_This _is why I want to end it all, Bats! You always spoil my fun!" He turned to Harley, and said, "What did I tell ya, sweets? You're always taking shots from people who just don't get the joke!" The Batman was grimacing and grunting in pain on the floor, feet away and the Joker took it as an oppurtunity. Waving cheerfully at the Batman, he grabbed Harley roughly from the floor and yanked her along with him, weaving their way through the rubble. The smoke was rising hard and the flames were getting hotter as they made their way towards the fire escape. Harley was choking on the fumes, hardly able to walk from the shock and smoke, and the Joker was laughing happily as they made their way out. When they finally got onto the escape, he took a breath of fresh air and grinned, turning to his girlfriend. "Wonderful performance, Harley!" He said with a smile, lifting her up and spinning her around. She was staring at him with wide eyes, still shaking, even as he pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her passionately. The lack of response didn't bother him, and instead he continued to pull her along with him down the steps to the waiting van. As they climbed in and started to drive away, he stuck his head out the window and screamed a goodbye to the Batman, laughing all the way.

**He tried to shoot her. He had raised his **gun, and pulled the trigger. Everything had frozen there for a moment, right after he'd said those haunting words. _Sorry, dear. _But the smile on his lips said otherwise. He had been excited to kill her. She still couldn't stop shaking. When they'd gotten home, she'd locked herself in the bathroom, curling up in the corner and stared at the tile wall ahead of her. She had no more tears to cry. She was too in shock. When someone knocked on the door, she didn't even hear it at first. Not until they started banging on it loudly. "Har_leeeey,_" The Joker cooed through the door.

She didn't reply, just gnawed on the inside of her cheek, her eyes staring so hard into the tile she thought she would burn a hold through it.

"Baby," He purred. "Open the door for Daddy."

Her voice was not her own when she spoke. "No!" It was a hoarse, strangled cry. She was humiliated.

He sighed loudly. "You don't really think I would shoot you, do you, pooh?" He asked gently through the wood. She froze, tears finally welling in her eyes as her body vibrated with nervous shakes. "It's Bats… He never would have let me. I knew he would save you, baby."

"But -" She hiccuped. "What if he hadn't?"

"But he did. And I knew he would."

"You can't know those things!" She yelled, breaking down into harsh sobs, crying into her knees.

He sighed again. "Let me in, Harley."

"No," She sobbed patheticly. She knew that he could get in if he really tried, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of happily opening the door to him. After minutes of silence, she looked under the door to see that the shadows of his legs had long since disappeared.

It took a while but her nerves finally settled, and Harley was able to drag herself from the floor of the bathroom and into the bedroom. It was empty, too, and dark. Where was he? She had to remind herself that she didn't care. She slowly and methodically stripped her uniform and changed into a pair of pajamas. Bugs Bunny was clearly printed on the front of her camisole. She wasn't even able to quirk a smile at the irony of the shirt. "What's up, Doc?" was printed in big bubble letters above the image. She remembered when the Joker had said that to her when they first met. Sighing loudly, she turned to get into bed, surprised when she saw that her boyfriend was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed.

"Don't you just look adorable," He whispered, cocking his head to the side. She tensed up, wrapping her arms around herself. "I haven't seen you this shy since Arkham."

"I'm not shy," She whispered, hating that her voice was so timid. She clenched her hands into fists. _Very convincing, Harl, _She thought bitterly to herself.

"Nervous?" He purred, walking closer to her in the darkness of the room. The moonlight filtered in through the window, illuminating one side of his face.

"Angry," She said, flinching when he approached. Would he hit her? Strike her? Her face was still throbbing from the hit earlier.

He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach and kissing the top of her head. "Baby," He sang. "I would never hurt my pumpkin pie. Not really."

"You hurt me all the time," She whimpered.

"But you always get better, baby. I don't know what I'd do without my pooh bear. I knew the Big Ugly Bat would save you. I've gotta have my little girl by my side."

She sniffled. "Really?"

"Oh, yes," He whispered, kissing her ear softly, making her shiver again, but this time in pleasure. She relaxed into his embrace and he slowly moved them towards the bed, resting himself above her, one knee inbetween her legs as he kissed every inch of her blushing face. "That's my girl," He said when she giggled.

**Lots of fluff, I know...**


End file.
